We learn humility through accepting humiliations cheerfully. – Mother Teresa
Manic depression and cerebellitis have been, and continue to be, my most formidable teachers.
I am a poor student; consequently, Humility is a lesson that merits continuous repetition.
I told Regina that I had to urinate. She helped me into bed and handed me a plastic container. My bladder felt full, but nothing happened. I contracted my muscles and tried to force it out, but that did not work. I tried to relax my muscles, but that did not work either.
Finally, Regina said, “They’ll probably have to put the catheter back in.”
That was the last thing I wanted to hear. Not because it was uncomfortable and annoying, not even because it was embarrassing, but because reinserting it meant that I was taking a step backward in my recovery.
In spite of my resentment, I asked her to get a catheter. After checking at the nurses’ station, she said that the doctor ordered the removal of the catheter, but he left no orders to reinsert it; the floor nurse was trying to contact him for permission for another catheter.
Three hours later, my bladder was fully distended. Regina was off duty, but Laura was with me. A nurse walked into the room, informing us that the doctor ordered a new catheter.
“We do have a small problem, though,” she said. “We need a male nurse to insert it, and he is with a patient on another floor.”
She must have noticed the menacing expression on my face because, as she hurriedly left the room, she quickly added, “But he’ll be here as soon as he can.”
Laura held my hand and said, “Be patient, honey, he’ll be here soon.”
Be patient, I thought, be patient. I’ve been lying here for five hours being patient. If he doesn’t get here soon, I’m going to rip his throat out.
As I was struggling to convert these thoughts into words, the male nurse walked through the doorway carrying a catheter tray.
While he slowly and painstakingly unwrapped the contents of the tray, I willed my body to patiently and cooperatively lie still. I was not as successful with my thoughts: Hurry up, hurry up, you idiot!
When he got to the part where he said, “Take a deep breath,” I nearly jumped off the bed. – Excerpt from “I’m Afraid”
I offer these thoughts for your consideration.
Welcome to my World!
The saga continues in my next blog.
Do Not Be Afraid!!!