There’s an anger in all of us. Some hidden rage that you keep at bay. – Anonymous
Holding anger is like taking poison and expecting the other one to die. – Anonymous
Free floating anger refers to a generalized angry feeling that can affect a person’s view of the world, their approach to life, and their responses to events. –University of Illinois Extension, Family Works
I understand the meaning and the significance of “floating anger.” I believe that along with my old friend, Fear, this anger has been with me since childhood.
It took both bipolar disorder and cerebellitis to drag them both from the darkness into the light where I could see, face, and wrestle with them…sometimes successfully, sometimes not.
Many times, however, there was a floating anger that seemed to hover over and follow me wherever I went. It was an irrational anger, a white-hot anger, an anger for which there was neither rhyme, nor reason, nor blame.
If I did not rein it in as soon as it reared its ugly head, it picked up speed and raced down a road to a place that was dark and terrifying. Sometimes the trip took a few days, sometimes a fraction of a second.
It usually began with an innocent thought that somehow went astray, was swept away by my emotions, transformed into something it never was meant to be, and taken to a place it never wanted to see.
I described this phenomenon in a poem, and I often refer to it as a reminder of what can happen when I forget about the Little things that Fear gives birth to:
Guard Against Annoyance
Annoyance leads to Anger.
Anger leads to Resentment.
Resentment leads to Hatred.
Hatred leads to Revenge.
Revenge feeds the Ego.
An overstuffed Ego
Swells with Pride.
Pride comes before the Fall.
The Fall is into Darkness.
Too much time spent in the Darkness
Results in rejection of the Light.
Rejection of the Light leads to
Loss of the Soul.
Anger, whether justified, unjustified, or floating, is Fear’s favorite child. Fear feeds it, often with self-pity and self-righteousness, until it grows large enough to have a mind of its own.
After gorging itself on resentment, hatred, and revenge, anger swells with pride and assumes the right to be in control, to judge, and, of course, to be right.
These feelings are powerful and difficult to resist. When I experience them, one question inevitably comes to my mind: knowing that my anger is unjustified, and realizing that I have no right to blame whomever or whatever is the convenient target of my rage, I ask myself if I will admit that I am wrong and release my grip on anger.
Each time, for a brief, or not so brief, moment, the answer is, “No.” I refuse to give it up for anyone or anything, even God Himself. That terrifies me. – Excerpt from “I’m Afraid”
Communication, I believe, is the key to understanding one another.
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The saga continues in my next blog.
Do Not Be Afraid!!!