Mania is as bad as it gets. If not treated, it will become worse, more frequent, and harder to treat. – Kay Redfield Jamison
A manic mood swing descended on me without warning, knowledge, or prior experience.
After nine months of uninterrupted, severe depression, the crushing weight of the world had been lifted from me.
A state of peaceful calm enveloped me. I suddenly was able to relax, to smile, and to breathe again… I had been set free!
The serenity did not linger, nor last; it was replaced with enthusiasm, brilliant insight, and stamina; I was energized beyond any point I had ever imagined.
As June rolled around, my state of euphoria was interrupted by sudden attacks of annoyance and impatience. I had hundreds of ideas racing through my mind; I slept only three or four hours a night; I needed to bring my ideas to fruition as quickly as possible. I was on a roll. I believed that these concepts were brilliant, but I was afraid to share them. People might think that I was eccentric, or crazy. I kept my thoughts to myself.
One evening, however, I could not restrain myself. I unleashed my ideas on a friend. A few days later, Joe appeared at my office, unexpectedly.
“I was in the neighborhood,” he said. “I thought we could have lunch.”
“Great,” I said. “Let’s go.”
“Let’s take a ride first, okay?” he asked.
“Sure,” I answered. “Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise,” he said, nervously.
After we got into his car, I asked him again where we were going.
“I have a friend I’d like you to meet,” he said. “He’s a psychologist. I think you’ll enjoy meeting him.”
I still remember the beads of sweat on Joe’s forehead and the tremor in his voice as he parked in front of the hospital. We went inside, and Joe introduced me to his friend, Tom. We talked for about an hour. I did most of the talking. Thoughts were racing through my mind faster than I could articulate them.
“Well, Tom,” I said. “I enjoyed meeting you, but I have to get back to my office.”
Tom answered by saying that it was obvious to him that I was having a problem, and he strongly recommended that I stay at the hospital for a few days.
“I appreciate your concern, but I have too many things to do,” I said.
After several unsuccessful attempts to convince me to stay, Tom asked Joe to give it a try. We went outside and sat on the front steps. We talked for a while; I told Joe that I wanted to be alone.
Sitting on the steps, with my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands, I tried to concentrate. My feelings of euphoria and brilliance were no longer exciting and fun; my mind was working faster than a computer; and my thoughts were becoming more and more irrational.
One rational thought, however, did manage to make its way through the chaos: “I need help.”
I stood up and walked back into Tom’s office. I felt like Robert E. Lee at Appomattox. I tried to surrender gracefully: “Where do I sign?” – Excerpt from “I’m Afraid”
After nine uninterrupted months of severe depression, this manic mood swing was the result.
Nothing like this had ever happened to me or anyone I knew.
I was beyond bewilderment, reason, and fear; I was mentally and emotionally numb.
I offer these thoughts for your consideration.
Communication is the key to understanding one another.
I encourage you to share your thoughts & comments on my website, Goodreads or Facebook.
Welcome to my world!
The saga continues in my next blog.
Do Not Be Afraid!!!