Because I teach and write about depression and bipolar illness, I am often asked what is the most important factor in treating bipolar disorder. My answer is competence. Empathy is important, but competence is essential. –Kay Redfield Jamison
When I first sat down with Dr. Kafrissen my manic episode was in full swing. Consequently, my initial impression was that he was anything but empathetic; I found him indifferent and condescending.
By the end of his astute examination, I remained impatient and annoyed, but I sensed that this man may provide the help I needed.
Initially, a different psychologist, several social workers, and two nurses evaluated me. Afterwards, I met the medical director, Dr. Steven Kafrissen; he was sitting at a desk making notes in a chart, probably mine.
Without looking at me, he asked, “Do you think you have a problem?”
“I’d say I do,” I replied, impatiently.
“What do you think is wrong with you?” he continued, still avoiding eye contact with me.
I felt intimidated and angered by his questions. They seemed abrupt and accusatory. But, after taking a few moments to compose myself, I replied as calmly and candidly as I could, and told him what I believed.
“I’m either a genius, completely insane,” I started, “or, I’m the Son of God.”
For the first time, he lifted his head and looked directly at me.
“I don’t know whether or not you’re a genius, and right now it’s not important,” he said. “You may be a son of God, but you are not the Son of God. And you’re definitely not insane…. You’re bipolar.”
Seeing the puzzled expression on my face, he said, “You’re suffering from manic depression.”
My expression did not change.
“Don’t worry,” he said. “I know what’s wrong with you, and I’m here to help you.”
After leaving Dr. Kafrissen’s office, I was accompanied by a male nurse to a small bedroom.
“This will be your room for a while,” he said. “Make yourself comfortable. I’ll be back shortly.”
I looked around. There was a single bed, a desk, a chair, and a small closet. I sat on the bed, took a deep breath, and let it out as slowly as possible. As I stared at the wall in front of me, I started to relax.
The myriad of thoughts that had been racing through my mind for so long suddenly were replaced with one simple, seemingly benign, almost comforting thought: “I am insane.” – Excerpt from “I’m Afraid”
I offer these thoughts for your consideration.
Communication, I believe, is the key to understanding one another.
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Welcome to my World!
The saga continues in my next blog.
Do Not Be Afraid!!!