If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading. – Lao Tzu
Fear introduced me to Change, another one of his offspring. Apparently, Fear did not want me to become bored or, even worse, forget about him.
He need not have feared; Change was up to the task.
Whether I embraced him as friend or foe was up to me.
During one of my last appointments with Dr. Kafrissen, he gave me profound advice that hopefully would prevent me from returning to the hospital.
I must admit that, to say the least, it did make me feel uncomfortable and somewhat reluctant to accept.
Taking lithium every day was not a problem. Needing to take lithium every day, possibly for the rest of my life, was definitely a problem.
What if I forgot to take it? What if it stopped working after a couple of years? What would I do then? These were only some of the questions that ran through my mind as I sat across from him trying to think of something to say.
He also had said, “Find a psychiatrist.”
When I entered the hospital, I was expecting the proverbial couch, endless hours of analysis, and Sigmund Freud. I did have to admit, however, that Dr. Kafrissen quickly dispelled my fears and misconceptions about psychiatry.
After suffering major mood swings for a year, the treatment that I received under his care obviously seemed to work. But, I rationalized, as long as I take the lithium, why do I need a psychiatrist?
And, “change your lifestyle.”
“What the hell did he mean by that?” I asked myself.
“Do you have any questions?” Dr. Kafrissen asked, interrupting my thoughts.
Hesitantly, I said, “I was wondering how long I would have to take the lithium.”
“With bipolar disorders,” he explained, “I find it best to maintain patients indefinitely on lithium, especially when they respond to it as well as you do. I do have a few patients who have been able to function normally without it, but that’s rare.
“It is possible that at some point you may not need it either, but right now you do. So take it, and don’t worry so much about the future.”
“One more thing,” he said, as I was about to leave. “You mentioned several times that you enjoy drinking with your friends.
“Alcohol mimics mood swings. You will have to learn to recognize the signs of manic and depressive moods, and be able to tell if they are due to your chemical imbalance, to outside circumstances, or to other influences. It won’t be easy.
“Do not confuse the issue for the sake of a few drinks. You have a significant illness, but it can be treated successfully if you cooperate.
“Understand and accept your illness, make the necessary changes in your life, and move on.” – Excerpt from “I’m Afraid”
I offer these thoughts for your consideration.
Communication, I believe, is the key to understanding one another.
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The saga continues in my next blog.
Do Not Be Afraid!!!