Well, we all know that self-esteem comes from what you think of you, not what other people think of you. – Gloria Gaynor
I have heard these words of wisdom uttered countless times by my parents, teachers, relatives, and friends.
Intellectually, I understand and accept them as fact, as truth.
Emotionally, however, I have not always been able to do so.
In my childhood, pre-teen, and teenage years, my self-esteem was primarily based on my outward self: appearance, personality, physical and mental abilities. And, to a large degree, it was influenced by how others saw and thought of me.
As I grew older, my self-regard changed direction: it moved inward. It still mattered what others thought of me, but to a steadily decreasing extent. I became more comfortable and accepting of myself. In other words, I had no desire to change places or circumstances with anyone else.
Then along came two formidable adversaries challenging me to change my mind.
When manic depression and cerebellitis struck, the first casualties were my ego and self-image.
What would people think or say if they knew that I was bipolar? When they observed my unsteady gait and heard my garbled speech, would they assume that I no longer was intelligent, competent, or able to contribute? Would they treat me differently, be uncomfortable around me, or avoid me altogether? Would they still accept and trust me as a dentist, or as a friend?
These initial worries did not hold center stage for too long. Other Little things, like impatient actors anxious to be on stage, nudged and pushed them aside. Many times these Little things assumed the form of questions: Will I recover? When? How much? Will I practice again? Will I still be able to earn a living? – Excerpt from “I’m Afraid”
Bipolar disorder and cerebellitis continue to wrestle me to the ground, but I still keep getting up.
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The saga continues in my next blog.
Do Not Be Afraid!!!