There is no greater hell than to be a prisoner of fear. – Ben Jonson
When I wrote my memoir, “I’m Afraid,” I utilized poetry as a means of expressing some of the raw emotions I was feeling during this period in my life. I discovered that sometimes the only way I was able to communicate what I was experiencing was through the written word, especially poetry.
At one point, I envisioned being held captive in a dark tunnel by a menacing stranger:
But, in time, you sense that you are not alone.
An intruder has invaded the tunnel.
An intruder, whose name is Fear.
He holds you hostage,
And makes you feel insecure.
No longer do you have any options,
No longer are you free to choose.
Fear is in control. – Excerpt from “I’m Afraid”
Fear is an old, intimate, friend I met in my childhood; he has been with me ever since.
I have tried to reason with him, ignore him, run away from him; there seemed to be no way to deal with him.
Until I was afflicted with two major, life-changing illnesses: bipolar disorder and cerebellitis.
Not only did they give new meaning to the concept of fear, they helped me to understand it and, astonishingly, provide me with a weapon to combat it.
Ironically, these two things that were responsible for unleashing my greatest fears helped me to combat them.
Like two gravediggers, manic depression and cerebellitis unearthed my fears and gave me the opportunity to come face-to-face with them. Once these fears were exposed to daylight, I discovered that writing was a useful and therapeutic tool in understanding and dealing with them.
Prior to these illnesses, fear, to me, was an elusive, shadowy, formless presence lurking in the corner waiting to attack. Writing put a face on it and made it visible.
By transforming fear from a dark, faceless creature into one that could be seen in the light of day, writing gave me a chance to confront it. It changed fear from an ethereal Little thing into a tangible Big thing that could be confronted and hopefully defeated. – Excerpt from “I’m Afraid”
Writing is a tool, a weapon, a means of survival that I treasure and am eternally grateful to possess.
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The saga continues in my next blog.
Do Not Be Afraid!!!