Trust is to human relationships what faith is to gospel living. It is the beginning place, the foundation upon which more can be built. Where trust is, love can flourish. – Barbara Smith
I was born with a trusting nature. I believed that trust was an inherent part of every human being’s character: a gift that all possessed, treasured, and shared.
This deep-rooted component of my makeup defended and healed me from assaults by Mistrust…at least for a while.
When I was a child, an adolescent, even a young adult, trust was a sixth sense, a gut instinct, something that was freely given and received. In spite of being battered and bruised at times, it always healed and remained intact.
It was not until my first encounter with major manic and depressive mood swings in 1984 that trust became an issue of significant doubt and uncertainty. Not only were my thoughts and emotions distorted, but my instincts as well. There were times when I could not rely on the motives or judgments of anyone, including myself. – Excerpt from “I’m Afraid”
Bipolar disorder grabbed Trust by the throat and tried to squeeze the life out of him.
Fortunately, I had cohorts on my side: time, medical treatment, and people I historically trusted and loved preventing this from happening…At least for a while.
Over the next five years, with the help of lithium, Dr. Kafrissen, Laura, my family, and friends, my natural instinct to trust was nearly restored.
But in 1989, it was under attack again, an attack more brutal than the first. Not only was I combating a bipolar episode, I was struggling with a severe physical disability. It was impossible to ascertain the source of my mistrust: manic depression, cerebellitis, or myself. – Excerpt from “I’m Afraid
This second assault was vicious and two-pronged.
Even my stalwart advocates seemed unable to rescue me this time.
I did not expect my physical disability to play havoc with my mental and emotional states of mind. I assumed that my bipolar disorder had a monopoly on that. I was wrong. Cerebellitis has been more than equal to the challenge.
Trust, once a gift that I willingly shared, became a treasure that I jealously hoarded. I needed help. – Excerpt from “I’m Afraid”
But, from where was the help to come?
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The saga continues in my next blog.
Do Not Be Afraid!!!