Although the life of a person is in a land of thorns and weeds, there is always a space in which the good seed can grow. You have to trust God. – Pope Francis
At the end of this month, I will celebrate my sixty-ninth birthday.
Thirty-three years ago, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Four years later, cerebellitis struck.
Having lived with two major disabilities and everything that followed in their wake, I now appreciate and understand the words of Pope Francis.
For many years, however, I did not fully grasp the significance of their meaning.
Patience, humility, good humor, and mercy were stepping stones leading to trust. But one stone seemed to be missing. Without it, I was at a standstill; I knew I needed more help.
And I knew where to get it. In fact, I always had known where to get it. But Fear did, too.
Born, raised, and schooled in the Catholic faith, I assumed I knew everything there was to know about God.
In my childhood and early teens, my faith was obedient and unquestioning, automatic and rote.
From my late teens and into my early thirties, I virtually abandoned formal religion and developed my own relationship with the Supreme Being. Sometimes my attitude was casual and noncommittal. At other times I had so many questions and so few answers that I became frustrated and confused. I wondered if God existed at all.
It was after my first significant encounter with manic depression in 1984 that I began to think more seriously about God. Although fear was primarily responsible for the changes I made in my life, it did occur to me that maybe, just maybe, God had something to do with it, too. I tried praying, but my impatient, often desperate, desire for answers seemed to be ignored.
Cerebellitis made the situation worse; I had even more questions and fewer answers. God seemed to be listening with a deaf ear. Excerpt from “I’m Afraid”
How could I trust in God if He did not listen to me?
Whose fault was it, His or mine?
I offer these thoughts for your consideration.
Communication, I believe, is the key to understanding one another.
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The saga continues in my next blog.
Do Not Be Afraid!!!