Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though everything depended on you. – St. Augustine
Bipolar disorder shook the foundations of my world. Cerebellitis turned my world upside down.
After being diagnosed and treated for bipolar disorder, and understanding that most likely it would be a permanent part of my life, I religiously followed the advice of my psychiatrist in order to accept, deal, and live with it.
I continued to try to do the same with cerebellitis as well.
Initially, with both illnesses, I felt that it was primarily my responsibility and efforts and those of my doctors and therapists to come to grips with them; God’s role was, at best, secondary.
When nothing seemed to be working, I had a change of heart.
I started to pray and say the rosary. Every day. I considered going to mass, but had second thoughts: the church has too many steps; I’ll probably trip going down the aisle; everybody will be looking at me because of my cane, or because I walk funny, or because I haven’t been in church since I got married.
I knew that my concerns were actually camouflaging my real fear. In a manner of speaking, I knew that going to mass was equivalent to walking into God’s house and coming face-to-face with Him. I was not ready to do that.
I returned to my prayers and hoped that they would be sufficient to get me through my troubles. Eventually, when they did not, I asked Laura to take me to mass. Since neither of us had been to church in at least two years, I assumed she would be as reluctant to return as I, but her response was unexpected and surprising.
“Sure,” she said, as if I had asked her to take me to a movie or for ice cream. “We can go anytime you want.” – Excerpt from “I’m Afraid”
I was greatly relieved by Laura’s cheerful response.
I had been intimidated by Fear for so long, however, that seeking a simple request for help from my loving and supportive wife was a monumental task.
Would this be the help I was looking for, and the answer to my problems?
I offer these thoughts for your consideration.
Communication, I believe, is the key to understanding one another.
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The saga continues in my next blog.
Do Not Be Afraid!!!