I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had no where else to go. My own wisdom and that of all about me seemed insufficient for that day. – Abraham Lincoln
These words of Abraham Lincoln helped me to see that which I was unable to see; to understand what I failed to understand.
Manic depression taught me never, never, to say, “It can’t happen to me.”
Cerebellitis literally and figuratively brought me to my knees.
Both illnesses dramatically demonstrated to me that total control of my mind, my body, and my life did not rest in my hands alone. – Excerpt from “I’m Afraid”
For many years, it seemed as if Fear and his children were the ones in charge.
I spent the better part of my life trying to defeat or escape him: I cowered in his presence; I impotently cursed him in the darkness; I denied his existence; I tried to placate him by doing whatever he wanted.
All of my attempts failed. They failed because I tried to beat him at his own game. And because I was foolish enough to think that I could conquer him on my own.
It was not until I turned to the One source I always knew would help me, the One source from whom I could draw the strength to carry on, the One source who could teach me how to overcome or at least live with Fear, the One source I was most afraid to approach that I began to understand my relationship between me and my constant companion, Fear. – Excerpt from “I’m Afraid”
It was this One Source, the only God I ever believed in, who I hoped would reach into the dark abyss and lift me into the light.
But was I too afraid to trust and totally surrender myself into His hands?
Was Fear holding me back?
Or, was he pushing me forward?
I offer these thoughts for your consideration.
Communication, I believe, is the key to understanding one another.
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The saga continues in my next blog.
Do Not Be Afraid!!!
Kurt, I am in constant awe of your bravery. Every time I read one of your blogs it reminds me how fragile our existence really is. You are one amazing individual and I am so blessed to know you. Even if it has been many many years. Your writing and insight are such an inspiration!