The moment of surrender is not when life is over. It’s when it begins. – Marianne Williamson
Bipolar disorder and cerebellitis, each in their own right, were life-changing, overwhelming events. Together, they seemed to be an insurmountable force.
Sometimes willingly, sometimes reluctantly, I sought the help of doctors, therapists, family, friends, and, especially my wife.
I also strove to learn and embrace patience, humility, good humor, mercy, and trust, not as virtues, but as tools and/or weapons in my confrontations with Fear.
Everyone and everything I employed in this struggle significantly aided me in facing, wrestling and, often times, overcoming Fear and his offspring.
The dedicated efforts of all the people involved combined with my own, I believed, should have been sufficient to defeat Fear or, at least, allow me to live in the same neighborhood with him.
Unfortunately, they were not enough.
Total commitment and surrender of my fears to God, I hoped and believed, would be enough.
When I first sought God’s help, I secretly hoped that He would simply make Fear disappear, or at least move him to another neighborhood. God had other plans: He decided that I should build a ladder.
He laid all of the pieces in front me, even labeled them. They reminded me of a puzzle I put together as a child.
“This shouldn’t be too hard,” I thought to myself. “I’ll be done in no time, and it’ll even be fun. Thank you, God.”
I began by laying out the steps. The first two pieces I spied were narrower than the others. I tried to pick them up at the same time, one in each hand. At first, I could not budge either one. I read the labels: trust and surrender. “There must be something wrong with these,” I thought.
I’ll start with the others”.
The rest of the steps appeared to be the same size and made of the same material, but none were of equal weight. I assumed the heaviest steps should be on the bottom of the ladder for support and the lightest on top. I was wrong. – Excerpt from ”I’m Afraid”
Building the ladder, figuratively speaking of course, was a long, tedious, frustrating feat that lasted at least a decade or longer.
Did it work?
Was it worth it?
I offer these thoughts for your consideration.
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The saga continues in my next blog.
Do Not Be Afraid!!!