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Fear Of The Unknown

The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown. – H.P. Lovecraft

 Fear and I have been intimate friends since childhood. He rarely misses an opportunity to frighten, upset intimidate, or torture me; it appears to be his vocation in life.

In December of 1988, hospitalized with a combination of viral and bacterial infections and a fever of 105 degrees, Fear was constantly by my side and extremely attentive.

Exhibiting a number of severe and unusual symptoms, my diagnosis was an unresolved mystery for which the doctors assigned to my case did everything in their power to unravel.

Fear has spawned many children; one of his favorites is Uncertainty who enjoys traveling with his sibling, Worry- Fear’s most insidious child.

Each, in their own right is a formidable, often overwhelming threat to Patience and Hope.

When they combine forces, however, they possess the ability to unearth my greatest fear: fear of the unknown.

When this happens, Patience and Hope frequently are left beaten and bloody on the ground.

 

“We suspect that your immune system is behaving abnormally,” he said. “We would like your permission to test you for AIDS.”

 Since I could neither speak nor write coherently, I nodded my head to indicate my consent.

 I had tubes running into my arm, bladder, and nose; I was unable to speak; and I had no control over the movements of my body. I understood that something was seriously wrong with me, maybe as serious and deadly as AIDS.

I was afraid, but I was anxious to have the test. For me, not knowing what was wrong with me was much more frightening than knowing. – Excerpt from “I’m Afraid”

 

The doctor returned a few days later to tell me that the results of the blood test for AIDS were negative.

A definitive diagnosis remained unresolved, but we were one step closer; a flicker of light shone through the darkness.

In the eye of a hurricane, there exists virtual calm, blue sky and sunlight, often dazzling. Inexplicably, in the midst of these violent, dark storms there are moments of peace and light, patience and hope; moments that give us the courage and strength to carry on.

I offer these thoughts for your consideration.

Communication, I believe, is the key to understanding one another.

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The saga continues in my next blog.

Do Not Be Afraid!!!