If you know the enemy and know yourself you need not fear the results of a hundred battles. – Sun Tzu
In 1984, because I did not know what was wrong with me, I was afraid of manic depression. Four years later, again faced with the unknown, I was afraid of cerebellitis. Once diagnosed, however, both became things that were tangible and visible. The kind of things that could be grasped, embraced, wrestled with, thrown to the ground, and hopefully defeated. As I did in my poem in Chapter 13, I began to visualize them as Big things. – Excerpt from “I’m Afraid”
The following is an excerpt from the poem in Chapter 13:
Our lives are spent dealing with
Big things and Little things.
You graduate,
You can’t get a job.
You get married,
You’re getting a divorce.
You’re pregnant.
Congratulations!
It’s triplets.
You get a new job,
Sorry, you’re fired.
You build a new house,
It burns down.
You’re invited to a wedding,
You go to a funeral.
Heart attack, Cancer, Brain tumor.
You survive.
These are the Big things.
They’re large, tangible, visible.
You can embrace them,
Put your hands around them,
Wrestle them to the ground.
You can beat them.
You can win. – Excerpt from the poem in Chapter 13 of “I’m Afraid”
Bipolar disorder and cerebellitis introduced me to Fear and all of His children.
Inconceivably, these two major, disabling illnesses then began to teach me not only how to deal with them but with the fear they engendered in me.
I am no longer afraid of manic depression and cerebellitis. Not because I know what they are, but because I am learning to accept them as things over which I have no control. They are things that just happened and cannot be changed. They must be adapted to and accepted. – Excerpt from “I’m Afraid”
I discovered that adjusting to and embracing the aftermath of these two disabilities was easier said than done.
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The saga continues in my next blog.
Do Not Be Afraid!!!