The thing about denial is that it doesn’t feel like denial when it’s going on. – Georgina Kleege
On my website, last week’s blog was entitled, “The Second Opinion.”
It dealt with my feelings about seeking one after being diagnosed with cerebellitis.
It seemed obvious to everyone except me that another opinion was warranted.
Intellectually, I knew that they were right; emotionally, I was adamantly opposed.
So many people had advised me to get another opinion that I felt harassed and resentful. But the seed of doubt had been planted, and it was beginning to take root.
I had confidence in Dr. Madden, but I had my own reasons for not seeking a second opinion: I liked him, and I did not want to hurt his feelings; I was sick and tired of doctors, hospitals, and tests; I did not want to go to some strange place and be manhandled by a bunch of doctors and therapists who I did not know.
Eventually, however, I began to question the validity of my reasoning. I discovered that there were more important reasons for avoiding another opinion.
I might find out that I had contracted something worse than cerebellitis; my condition might revert to its original state when I first was admitted to Moses Taylor Hospital.
I might spend the rest of my life with a loss of all motor control, speech and visual impairment, and held hostage by a bedpan and catheter. – Excerpt from “I’m Afraid”
Initially, my logic was rooted in denial; it was soon joined by rationalization and fear.
At this point, it seemed as if a second opinion was out of the question.
Or, was it?
I offer these thoughts for your consideration.
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The saga continues in my next blog.
Do Not Be Afraid!!!