Ambivalence (noun): the state of having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about something or someone. – New Oxford American Dictionary
I believe that fear is an ambivalent emotion that influences our behavior in unexpected and/or conflicting ways.
Fear most often is seen as preventing positive, desired actions; it also is capable of promoting the opposite result.
I always considered Fear as an adversary; disability taught me that he also was an ally.
An example was my internal struggle in seeking a second opinion after being diagnosed with cerebellitis.
Experience taught me that a second opinion was a valuable tool in the treatment of a patient, regardless of the outcome.
So, why was I reluctant to obtain one for myself?
On the one hand, a second opinion might confirm the original diagnosis; at least I would know what I was facing.
On the other hand, I was afraid of what might be discovered: a condition even more disabling, or worse.
This was the fear that I did not want to face, to put my hands on, and wrestle to the ground; this was the fear that I wanted to avoid, to escape from, and to deny. – Excerpt from “I’m Afraid”
Fear seemed to be winning by discouraging me from doing the same thing I encouraged my patients to do.
Surprisingly, it was Fear who eventually changed my mind.
But the fear that I feared most, not knowing, left me no choice. – Excerpt from “I’m Afraid”
Fear, who I thought to be my adversary, turned out to be my ally.
I offer these thoughts for your consideration.
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The saga continues in my next blog.
Do Not Be Afraid!!!