The ‘self-image’ is the key to human personality and human behavior. Change the self image and you change the personality and the behavior. – Maxwell Maltz
My self-image changed frequently during my life depending on many factors, such as age, levels of education, work, and health.
Rarely did I consciously strive to alter my self-image; it simply seemed to happen on its own until bipolar disorder and cerebellitis became permanent parts of my life.
Today’s blog deals with my struggle with cerebellitis.
Five months after contracting this illness, my wife and I flew to Rochester, Minnesota seeking a second opinion at the Mayo Clinic.
My four days of appointments and tests would begin on Monday.
Arriving at our hotel on Sunday, I was given a wheelchair to use during our stay.
Both tired from the trip, we decided to have an early dinner.
That evening, Laura suggested that we have dinner in one of the hotel’s restaurants. After only one day, I already felt self-conscious about being pushed around in a wheelchair. When Laura saw me reaching for my two canes, she reminded me that the restaurant closed in two hours. I got into the wheelchair.
Most of the guests in the hotel were Mayo Clinic patients. Wheelchairs, walkers, and canes were as commonplace as tennis racquets at the US Open.
Before we were seated in the dining room, I noticed several people sitting in wheelchairs having dinner.
When the hostess asked if I would like to use my wheelchair at the table, I quickly answered, “I think I’ll be more comfortable in a dining room chair.”
During dinner, Laura and I overheard bits and pieces of conversation from nearby tables.
Diagnosis and treatment of rare or exotic illnesses were not the only reasons that people traveled hundreds or thousands of miles to Rochester. One husband and wife said that they came annually for routine check‑ups because everything could be done “under one roof.”
Regardless of their condition, the people around us spoke candidly and humorously about themselves. When we left the dining room, I felt more comfortable and at ease, until I sat in the wheelchair. – Excerpt from “I’m Afraid”
Prior to the trip to the Mayo Clinic, as a result of months of physical therapy, I progressed from a wheelchair, to a walker, to two canes.
The therapists’ goal for me was walking with only one cane; ideally, with no aids at all.
Requiring the use a wheelchair, in my mind, meant two things: it was an affront to my ego; and, I had not recovered nearly as much as I thought or hoped.
Was this a portent of things to come?
I offer these thoughts for your consideration.
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The saga continues in my next blog.
Do Not Be Afraid!!!