There is no greater hell than to be a prisoner of fear. – Ben Jonson
I have been held hostage for more than thirty years by two major disabilities: bipolar disorder and cerebellitis.
Each one, at times, has limited my abilities physically and/or mentally; each one, at times, has been a source of incarcerating fear.
Each one, at times, has cast me into hell.
Fear, sooner or later, unleashed his favorite offspring, Anger, to keep me company.
Disability is anger.
Not anger with yourself or your wife,
Not anger with your family or friends,
Not anger with anyone living or dead.
It’s a confusing anger.
There is no one to blame.
It’s a floating anger that hovers
Like a cloud over your head,
And, without warning, descends and engulfs you
And holds you in its grip
And fills you with hate
And makes you want to kill.
Not mercifully, like with a gun,
But, slowly and painfully,
With a baseball bat.
So you can feel the thud
When the bat hits the flesh,
And hear the crunch of bone
When the bat strikes again.
This is the anger that comes with being Disabled.
This is an irrational anger
This is an unjustified anger
This is a blameless anger
This is an undeserved anger
This is my anger. – Excerpt from “I’m Afraid”
Imagine how long it would take Anger to erupt and envelope us if we were held prisoners of Fear.
Imagine if it happened to our families, our brothers and sisters, our fellow human beings.
Imagine what can happen when such a tragedy strikes and Hope is replaced by Fear.
Would our anger still be irrational, unjustified, blameless, and undeserved?
I offer these thoughts for your consideration.
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The saga continues in my next blog.
Do Not Be Afraid!!!