It is a living death if one is obsessed by pride, ego and anger. – Sathya Sai Baba
As can be seen in my memoir, my image of God has changed and matured from childhood to the present day.
My personal understanding of the Almighty has grown into one of forgiveness and mercy but is often challenged by Fear’s favorite child, Anger.
When anger is in control, my ego eventually swells with pride and encourages me to leap into the abyss.
I do have a healthy respect for the majesty, authority, and power of God—and for His wrath—but I do not expect to be struck by lightning, covered with sores and boils, or be cursed with plagues every time I commit a sin.
I do not believe that God inflicts such punishments on us for His own amusement. When catastrophes occur, I believe His hand is always stretched out to us; it is our choice to accept it.
My fear of God, the heart of my artichoke, is not the fear of punishment for my sins; it is not the fear of God abandoning me; rather, it is the fear that I will turn my back on Him, refuse to accept His mercy and His love, and, like Lucifer, arrogantly proclaim that I will not serve.I do not believe God casts us into hell; I believe we choose to do it ourselves.
In Chapter 17, I described my anger. It can begin with benign annoyance and suddenly race down a road picking up resentment, hatred, and ego, then leap into an abyss where pride reigns in darkness, banishes the Light, and stubbornly refuses it permission to enter.
This is a place I too often have visited; a place to which I hope never to return.
Climbing my ladder and peeling my artichoke have strengthened my hope and resolve not to return.
I have been tempted, but so far I am like the man who fell off the twelve-story building: as he passed each floor, the people looking out the windows heard him say, “So far, so good.” – Excerpt from “I’m Afraid”
The ladder and the artichoke were gifts, learning tools, and formidable weapons in my eternal struggle with Fear.
But, were they enough?
I offer these thoughts for your consideration.
Communication, I believe, is the key to understanding one another.
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The saga continues in my next blog.
Do Not Be Afraid!!!